Lists.

Tonight my brain isn't working too well. Maybe it's just the pain in my back, but I'm feeling a bit tense and frustrated over money, and earlier I started freaking out because I'm already out of grocery money for this pay period. So... I'm making lists. They're reminding me that all is ok and that I can still feed my family until the end of the month and that God does provide, sometimes in mysterious ways that I really try not to question.

Periodically, my mom cleans out the closet she uses as her pantry today. Every single time she does, I end up bags and boxes full of stuff she's bought but has (usually) never opened, let alone used. Whatever I don't take she donates to the charity of her choice. Normally she won't let me pay her for anything so from time to time I cook or bake something and take it to her as my way of repaying her generosity.

Mom cleaned out her pantry today and while I was taking inventory of what we'd brought home, K. giggled the words "I love shopping there".

This is what I brought home today.

• 4 pack of strawberry banana flavored peaches
• horseradish (3.5oz jar)
• 5 boxes corn muffin mix
• blueberry pop tarts (4 foil packs)
• strawberry pop tarts (6 foil packs)
• pink vanilla fun-fetti frosting
• lemon chiffon frosting
• cream cheese frosting
• angel food cake mix
• yellow cake mix
• strawberry swirl cake mix
• carrot cake mix
• lemon cake mix
• cheddar whale crackers (16oz)
• wheat thins - original (10oz)
• wheat thins - harvest garden vegetable (7.5oz)
• cinnamon graham crackers (2/3 box)
• 1/2 bag powdered sugar
• 3/4 bag powdered sugar
• 1 little bag chips ahoy thin crisp 100 calorie snack
• 1 little bag peanut butter cookie crisp 100 calorie snack
• 3 little bags Doritos 100 calorie snack
• 8 little bags harvest cheddar sun chips 100 calorie snack
• 1 big box chocolate pudding mix
• 3 berry blue jello mix (small boxes)
• 1 lime jello mix (big box)
• 1 raspberry jello mix (small box)
• 1 cherry jello mix (small box)
• 2 boxes hot chocolate
• Tabasco spiced olives (6.7oz jar)
• goldfish pasta soup (10.3/4oz can)
• 3 cans peach pie filling (21oz each)
• yellow cling peaches (15oz can)
• sweetened flaked coconut (3.5oz can)
• tahina (11oz can)
• light corn syrup (16oz)
• 2 bottles dark corn syrup (16oz each)
• 2 cans all nectar apricot juice (11.5oz each)
• syrup (24oz)
• chick peas (15.5oz can)
• chunky blue cheese dressing (16oz)
• deluxe french dressing (16oz)
• hickory smoke bbq sauce (18oz)
• hickory smoke bbq sauce (28oz)
• berry vinaigrette dressing (16oz)
• russian dressing (8oz)
• spicy brown mustard
• sloppy joe sauce (15.5oz can)
• marshmallow fluff (7.5oz jar)
• black eyed peas (15oz can)
• ketchup (4lb 2oz)
• petite dill pickles (46oz)
• margarita mix
• margarita salt

In addition to restocking the pantry (with some real treat stuff that I never buy), my 3 cubic foot chest freezer (which my husband bought me 15 years ago right after we got married, thank you God for letting it continue to run so well for so long) is completely stocked again.

Inside my freezer is:

• 1 lb chicken tenders
• 2 bags with 2 boneless skinless chicken breasts each
• 2 bags with 3 boneless skinless chicken breasts each
• 2 bags with 3 leg quarters each
• 1 bag with 3.5 leg quarters
• 2 bags with 3 skinless chicken breasts each
• 1.34 lb beef round bottom roast
• 1.37 lb beef round bottom roast
• 7 small roasts, roughly 1 lb each
• 1 lb ground beef
• 3 bags with 2 boneless pork chops each
• large bag breaded cod
• salmon
• 1 bag (4 cups) breaded okra
• 15 bags (roughly 4 cups each) broccoli
• 5 bags (4 cups each) corn nibblets
• 10 bags (roughly 4 cups each) baby lima beans
• 2lb bag mixed vegetables
• 1 bag (4 cups) zipper peas
• 2 bags (4 cups each) blueberries
• 5 bags (4 cups each) peaches
• 2 1/2 cups pumpkin squish

And that doesn't even count the bread and freezer jam (or freezer pops or Boca "meat") that's hiding in the freezer or what's in my refrigerator freezer, which is also pretty full. There are more lists, but this has already gotten too long.

So I guess things really are ok. I've got enough money in my change jar if we happen to need more water or milk (or anything else) before the next pay check, so... yeah, things really are ok, and I can breathe again. Sleep will come soon, and tomorrow the sun will rise and it will be a better day.